Finding Peace, Choosing Myself.

So, I attended my boss’s brother-in-law’s birthday party in December last year. He kept pursuing me at the party and got my number from someone. Ever since, he’s been chatting with me. He lives in the US and is divorced. I was hesitant to get involved because I was in a bad relationship that was really stressful. Just because I tend to like older men doesn’t mean I want to date older men. This guy visits the country often and brought me a bag when he returned after the birthday. He started bugging me and playing the guilt card, but I told him I don’t double date, especially since he also has someone back in the US. Eventually, he stopped talking to me, and honestly, I didn’t care. A few months later, he reached out again when I was single, but I still wasn’t interested. He kept trying to guilt-trip me into giving him attention, but my job is so demanding that I hardly have time for myself, let alone for anyone else.

Eventually, I thought I’d give him a chance since he helps me sometimes. However, my gut feeling was against it. He has anger issues, carries a loaded gun, and is very demanding of my attention. He rarely checks in unless I’m visiting him. Plus, he seems to want love at all costs, acting like he’s running some charity. He also has several health problems, yet still wants to be intimate, but I’m not interested. The first time we kissed, I ended up with a sinus infection and lost my voice for nearly two weeks. Our intimate time wasn’t great either; he didn’t last long and made weird noises. He snores a lot, which made it hard for me to sleep. Ever since then, I’ve had flare-ups of jock itch that I’m still dealing with. After he returned to the US, he barely replied to my messages, and I ended up doing social security work for him. I complained, but he didn’t acknowledge me, so I stopped messaging him, and he hasn’t reached out since. He often starts fights, which adds to my headache. I’ve decided not to date again.

I also won’t pursue women since I appreciate peace of mind. There is a guy I like who makes me happy, but he’s a Muslim and wants me as his second wife since he’s Fulani. I’m not interested in being anyone’s second wife; I want my man for myself. He’s amazing in every way—emotionally, mentally, physically, and s*xually. If I find a Christian Fulani or Shuwa Arab, I’ll go for it, but until then, I’m all about peace and love.

Every guy I date just wants to claim me as their property and keep me hidden from the world. Even this Fulani guy, I have a hijab and niqab, which I low-key enjoy because it means no unwanted attention or disturbances. Sometimes I wear it just for the peace it brings, so I can be left alone. That’s the story for now, although there’s more to share, but I need to catch my breath.